Macs vs. Pc

I admit, Macs and I have never had a friendly relationship.

Oh, we've tried working it out. I've spent hours in their company, hoping that perhaps continued exposure would lead to greater understanding.

It's failed. My mind just does not think in AppleSpeak.

But I think I've figured out why:

I'm Catholic, and Macs are Protestant.

Sure, that flies in the face of what Umberto Eco wrote years ago. However, I think I can make a pretty compelling argument, without even going into the old the-operating-system-makes-just-about-as-much-sense-to-me-as-Calvinism argument:

1. PCs - particularly those equipped with Vista - require constant examination of conscience. No once clicked, always clicked here!

2. Macs are better for graphics and video production. The average Catholic would be horrified if their pastor began using Powerpoint and illustrating his homily with short video clips. Such technology is normal for many in the evangelical church culture. I rest my case.

3. Macs tend to be one step ahead of Microsoft. As Stuff Catholics Like pointed out, Catholics prefer to be one step behind.

4. The right-click button. Until 2005, Macs only had one button. But Apple has realized the error of its ways - kind of makes me think of the emerging church, a newer Protestant movement that recognizes the value of icons, incense and contemplative spirituality - things that many Protestants eschew, or even fear.

5. Macs are cool - and they're good at being cool. The Catholic Church is a lot of things - as the Ironic Catholic put it in her top 100 Reasons to be Catholic:

" 7. We're not emergent: we're eternal.
6. We're not progressive: we're prophetic.
5. We're not old-fashioned: we're rooted.
4. We're not liberal: we love our neighbor.
3. We're not conservative: we look to God alone.
2. We're not entertained: we've received the peace of Christ.
1. ...and we're just getting started, baby."

But cool we ain't. Just look at the state of our music. We don't sing anything in church that you'd hear on the radio over the weekend. Compare that to the worship bands popular in megachurches today.

I'm just sayin'.

6. Mac owners tend to be very, very proud of the fact of their Macbooks, and maybe just the teeniest bit condescending towards those of us who can't understand why. Although that could hurt my argument, since Flannery O'Connor did write that "Smugness is the Great Catholic Sin." Mea culpa.

Perhaps I should just point out that the state of Catholic-Protestant relations in my neck of the woods seems to indicate that smugness, condescension and bewilderment are issues nearly as big as the role of the Blessed Virgin Mary. And that's the fault of both groups.
---

I thought about going for 7, since that is a holy number after all. But 6 - the number of imperfection, of fallen man - seems more appropriate, since the division between Catholics and Protestants is a scandal, after all, and way more annoying than those Mac key commands.

Which usually make me want to scream at least six times a day.